March 31, 2002

How reinforcing

Okay, I've been stressing about this picture, and I found out over the weekend that although I have miles to go in my skill development, I have improved much over the last two years. I worked on the picture a lot, and it's nowhere close to being done.

It's not perfect. And it has that shiny area where I pressed down a little harder with the pencil. I'm hoping to find a way to get rid of that. But even though it's not great, it's better than what I have turned out in the past. I'm feeling more optimistic.

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March 29, 2002

The ecstacy

I take it back. I can learn. I will learn.

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March 28, 2002

Oh, the agony

All day I've been chanting to myself you can do it, you can do it like a mantra. The problem is, I think I only wish I can do it. Can I really do it? I love art so much, I feel like such a bastard that I see these images in my mind that I can't recreate on paper or canvas. I can't even recreate images I see right in front of me. I'm forever a wannabe.

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March 27, 2002

How I labor

My eyes are losing focus, my hand is cramped, and I have graphite and charcoal all over myself. This is what it means to be an artist (wannabe). I'm still working on that picture I'm hoping to enter into the student show (which is due next week). I'm finding now that I kind of suck. Actually, I've known that for quite some time. But I've been sitting here trying desperately to make this work, but I keep erasing, re-drawing, and erasing again. I wish I had the skills to just be able to lay it down, and keep it that way. Right now, I don't think I'm getting it right at all.

I know that I have so far to go yet in my pursuit of learning to draw. But it's frustrating that I can't do what I want to do. I see it, but it's hard to draw everything proportionally, correctly. I don't want my drawings to kinda look right. Dammit I want it to be right. And I can't.

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These are a few of my favorite things

One of the greatest joys in life: crossing off items on to-do lists. I crossed off one today, and before the day is over I hope to cross off six or seven more of my list of ten. I finished my imaging tabloid. That was one. Today, I have to call Maggie, return some items to various people/places, start my drawing project, find some things for my color theory class, finish reading Fury, do laundry, and take pictures for the Cleveland postcards project.

I had a chat with my friend last night. We were up late, and got onto the topic of friendship. I've had a lot of friends come and go (Ingrid, Christy, Erin, Eric, Monica, Mike, Yasmeen, other people...) but I've decided that the possibility of not keeping in touch with someone in the future isn't a sufficient reason for not getting attached to people now. Although I want to stay friends with people after school is done, after I move, etc., I want to be friends now even if I never see them again. Friends make life livable. I like my friends.

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March 26, 2002

Ha.

I walked into imaging class, sat down and loaded up my tabloid image... my prof comes over, and says You've got an A, just like that! I'm so happy! I worked hard on that damn thing. Everybody's tabloids looked so great, I was impressed. I love that class.

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March 25, 2002

I Heart Tabloids

Okay, one more tabloid headline and I'll be done with my imaging project. I just can't think of anything! Well, anything that hasn't been done a million times before (aliens, scandals, etc.) I need some help. One more headline.

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You go girl

Oh I cried with Halle last night. I'm glad she got her Oscar. I didn't see Monster's Ball, but from the few clips I've seen she did a fabulous job. I haven't seen most of the movies that were nominated, so I can't really say anything else about who deserved what (according to my own worthless opinion). I watched the whole damn awards show though. I sat there, going back and forth between the tv and my stats worksheet (which I ended up finishing this morning).

I have to find all these landscape photos for color theory, but I don't really know where to look. I don't want to rip any pages out of the books in the library (that would make me such a bastard, I hate when people do that crap) but I don't know where else I can find them. I want something easy. I think we're going to be painting them.

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March 24, 2002

A good e-mail forward (wow)

My brother sent me this e-mail. True t-shirt slogans. My favorites:

1. Procrastinate Now
2. POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN .... Cops have nothing to go on.
3. Computer programmers don't byte, they nibble a bit.
4. A hangover is the wrath of grapes
5. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken
6. Rehab Is for Quitters
7. Heck is where people go who don't believe in gosh
8. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times the memory.
9. If there is no God, who pops up the next kleenex?

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My to-do list

I just got back to school, and it's snowing like crazy outside. Nice. This weekend I went shopping with my sister for her prom dress. We walked into this one store not expecting to find anything, and there she found her dream dress. For $170. Which she didn't have. Which I signed up for a credit card to pay for. Which she will pay me back for. Hmmph.

It's blue, kinda shimmery, one strap over the left shoulder with some small sparklies. I'm not really one for sparklies (or prom dresses for that matter) but I think this one is actually pretty. Classier than most of the prom dresses I've seen lately. It fit her like a glove, and it really was beautiful. Her date will be happy. I also watched AI with Sarah. I really liked it up until the part with the magic anorexic aliens. Why do there always have to be magic anorexic aliens?

I have a lot to do this week:
1. Finish drawings for entry into student art show
2. Return severely overdue photoshop book to library
3. Pay room deposit for next year (where is my tax check already?)
4. Go to room draw, Wednesday 3/28 at 7:15
5. Meet Maggie on Thursday, get Office disk back
6. E-mail SPSS professor with hypothesis statement
7. Find landscape pictures for color theory
8. Return Stephanie's Mozart cd sitting here
9. Finish tabloid project for imaging class

I'm ready for summer break already.

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March 21, 2002

Murder, a way of life?

It seems like every time I pick up a paper, the front page news story is all about some suicide bombing in downtown Jerusalem. Every day. I just can't believe how insane it has gotten. Everybody wants everyone else to die. I don't understand what is so noble with murdering people. (Yes, I know our government does it too, thanks.) Insanity.

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March 19, 2002

I could work for Weekly World News

Teen gives birth to presidential clone! That's the main headline for my imaging tabloid project. I already have my sister holding little George W in a little baby blanket. I think I scared my brother with that photo.

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March 17, 2002

Memories...

Ahh I love when old high school friends pop in and sign the guestbook. Brings back memories of ID lanyards and playing pool in the E room.

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Weird Buddhist rituals

Oh yeah, I did end up going to that Buddhist place too, for my friend's class. The temple was somewhat strange, it had lots of statues and smelled like cheap incense. A lot like a Catholic church. There were no pews, though. There were about 60 or so metal folding chairs set up in the sanctuary, in front of this altar. We took off our shoes and walked in, where there were maybe 20 others waiting. When we started the meditation, we sat in the aisles on cushions. They were actually pretty comfortable. I almost peed myself laughing when I saw that the meditation leader was this man I used to work with at the YMCA.

We started by breathing slowly and counting. After that, we just sat and chanted things about "emptying our minds" and there is no thinking, there are no thoughts. I did not join in on this. I like thinking. I don't want to empty my mind, I want to fill it --with all kinds of things. Thoughts, ideas, everything.

I guess I had this romantic notion of what Buddhism is. Of everything from the east, that it's somehow superior and more enlightened than everything that I am. Untouchable. I don't think I believe that anymore. After some walking mediation and more chanting, I left feeling a little empty. I felt like I was a kid again, bowing to statues made of cheap metal and concrete, praying to people and things that couldn't hear me. I wanted to leave halfway through, but I didn't want to be disrespectful to the people who ran the temple, and the others who came to join the meditation.

I wasn't meant to be a Buddhist. I didn't go to the temple to become one. I only wanted to accompany my friends, and maybe learn something. I did. I learned a lot. I have so much respect for Buddhist people and the Buddhist religion, but visiting the temple made me thankful that I am what I am. And my beliefs transcend organized religion. And I love that about me.

Am I a brat, or what?

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I wish I had a laptop

Okay, you know what I did this break? I worked. I just got back to school. I had to haul all my crap up to my room all by myself. The walk from the parking lot was nice. It rained on me, and now the clothes I was carrying in my laundry basket is wet. Nice. I miss my computer. I just checked my e-mail for the first time in like, a week, and I got this nice little message from my sister-in-law. It was a forward about being friends. That was cool... I needed it.

I got this in the mail too: We all need a little insanity.....or is it just me? No, in reality, I'm normal and you're the one who's way out there. Is there anything wrong with my world? No, so it's filled with spiky-haired Japanese guitarists that wear too much eye makeup and dresses, that's completely normal. What about the vocalists that look like vampires? My world is nothing out of the ordinary, it's the real world with a new twist!

I'm not sure I have a complete understanding about what that means, but it sounds interesting. By the way, for the person in my guestbook who mentioned something about me being 16, I'm actually 21. Maybe some other webmaster said that? I dunno. I'm in college. Not 16. Thank you, sweet Lord.

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March 08, 2002

Shipping out

Time to pack up and go home. It's spring break. I walked outside this morning with my coat on, ready for some cold air, and all I saw was sunshine and students walking around in shorts. It's gorgeous outside. Our windows are open, and I can hear birds chirping (along with the heavy bass of radio next door). I have tons of dirty clothes to take home and wash, and I still have a lot to pack up. But I'm gald that it's time to go home. :)

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March 06, 2002

Little Shop of Horrors

OMG Little Shop of Horrors is on. I love that movie. I saw it some years back when it was a play at Lake Catholic. It was so hilarious (did I spell that right?) I love it. I've been thinking about how awesome my friends are. I have really awesome friends. Even when things happen and I get mad at them, I still love them. I have really awesome friends.

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Yeah, so I'm a bastard

I filled out this psychological survey today. It asked all these tough questions, I found it hard to be completely honest. It made me think that maybe I'm not as good of a person as I thought (or hoped) I was. Some questions went as follows: true/false
1. I have never taken advantage of anyone.
2. I never hesitate to help whose in trouble.
3. I am resentful when I don't get my way.

Yeah I felt like such a bastard after finishing it. (Yes, I have taken advantage of people, sometimes I do hesitate to help, and I can be resentful if I don't get my way). I don't think my answers would have been much different than if Osama bin Laden filled it out himself. At least, if he were being honest too (are terrorist leaders ever really honest though?).

I'm starting a new illustration this weekend. I've never really used color in my drawings, but I figure now is as good a time as any to start. I don't know what I want to do yet. Tina also asked me to illustrate a book that she's going to write... a children's book. I've always wanted to do that.

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Crazy surfers

This one person visited my site 11 times today. I'm not that interesting. Why do you keep coming back? Am I that exciting? Is there something here that is even worth looking at, let alone actually reading through? Am I super fantabulous? Do you love me?

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March 03, 2002

Thanks, anonymous

What someone wrote to me today: I like the site, I want to see you though! My site used to be a lot like this, then I realized no one would hire me if I gave everything away, now it's sheltered, and although I miss sharing it with the world, it makes those things I do share more valuable and studied... anyway, I wish the best for you as a young artist, enjoy school, take lots of vacations abroad and do things on your own.

I think that was nice... who ever you are (didn't leave your name) thanks.

I just got back here at school, I'm all by myself listening to some Shakira song about things underneath your clothes... I still haven't put my clothes away. I just realized I have a few too many pairs of pajama pants. I can't help it. I find them at Old Navy and I just have to get them. I bought another pair this weekend. Blue stripes... Damn than credit card, getting me in such trouble already. I need to hold onto my cash. BW just raised tuition by another grand or so for next year. I wish someone rich would be nice to me and send $25,000. That would cover it.

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