January 25, 2004

The joy of rodents

Since my digital camera has been sitting on my desk negected for over a week now, I decided to take some snapshots of my beautiful baby, Fat Bastard. I should really use this thing more often. Enjoy.

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January 20, 2004

Creative frustration

Or is it frustrating creativity (or lack there of, really)? I have done absolutely Nothing (yes, a capital N) with my inner creative urges. I have a studio full of painting supplies and a brand spankin new 5 megapixel digital camera, yet nothing to show for either. I haven't had much time, really. I know I say that a lot, but it's true. There aren't enough hours in the day for all the things I have to do... when do I have time to sit in front of an easel and paint? And my camera has been sitting on my desk waiting to be used, but so far all I've done with it is take a few shots of Fat Bastard napping on my bookshelf. It's pathetic, really.

I wish I had the Zack Morris ability to make time stand still and do other things. That would be perfect. I could paint, read, design, photograph... then come back to "real time" not having missed a minute. Ever feel like the world is time is marching on without you?

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January 14, 2004

Some badness, some goodness

I received an e-mail in my inbox today (big news, right?)... Actually, I received a lot of e-mails, but one in particular made me stop and think for a few minutes. Yes, a few minutes (I'm trying to do more of that nowadays --thinking). The e-mailer was a fan of Jonathan Brandis' much like myself, and was very upset about a magazine column that said in no uncertain terms that Jon's death was a good thing; that it carried with it a certain entertainment value.

The e-mailer was right to be upset. Imagine getting a phone call and finding out that your only son had hung himself... that your child, the one you gave birth to, raised, and loved, decided that life was no longer worth the trouble. Imagine burying your own flesh and blood. The Brandises don't have to imagine that, they've done it already, and they don't deserve to have someone further twist the knife in their hearts for the sheer entertainment value.

As I read the article forwarded to me in the e-mail, it occured to me that the columnist, whoever he is, wrote his article with the goal of achieving a kind of notoriety. Think insensitive, sensational shock jock at a computer keyboard. This is a man who lives in a world in which poking fun at another's suicide is a way of upping your own cool. I wonder how he would react to someone else poking fun at the death of his loved one... a brother, wife, or best friend. Would he appreciate the careless vicousness that rips into his own grief? I don't know this man, but I doubt it.

I was encouraged by a few people to try and get the article removed from the internet. This, I think, is perhaps missing the point. This man's writing isn't mine to erase, and I've never been one to support that kind of censorship, no matter how distasteful the material. But I do agree with one thing --something needs to be done. And what I believe to be the solution to this problem requires no force, no laws, and no power struggle.

We are dealing with a man whose life is lived for the chase of attention at the expense of innocent mourners. He has a talent for written word, but not a heart to use his gift for doing good to others. It's a waste of a life. And no censorship, hate mail, or wishes of misfortune are going to change that. The only way to right this wrong is to pray that this man would recognize both the pain he has inflicted and his potential to be a courageous healer of hurting souls. It is only with love that anyone could ever find the one thing in life with any value at all. Love.

I have no doubt that a lot of people have already expressed their outrage for both the written piece and the man. Outrage is not only understandable, but expected. There is no other logical way to react to such a travesty. But doing the expected brings with it a problem --receiving the expected. And that means that nothing will change. But if we're to be a force for good in the world, aren't we supposed to bring change? It's with this thought that I propose the illogical four-letter solution divinely designed to elicit illogical change: Love. It is only love that will bring change to this man's life. Believe it.

Stranger things have happened, like me not flaming this guy. Three years ago I would have. But since that time, an illogical four-letter solution divinely changed my life. What other choice do I have but to pass it on?

Anyone?

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January 08, 2004

More reworking, more insomnia

After yet more complaints from network and dsl users, I've done a little reworking on the code for sonafide.com. Let me know if the site loads a little more quickly now. I might move the site altogether to a new server, perhaps to the same company which now hosts jonathanbrandis.org.

Speaking of JB.org, I'm pleased to say that it seems to be a hit among Jon's fans. I've gotten many wonderful comments and well-wishes from people all around the globe, and as I type this I have a mailbox full of more content donations. Thanks to everyone who supported this effort (and to Teta Micika who dutifully reads my web-blabbing with love).

My winter vacation is almost over, and I have yet to get my big Croatian booty on a regular sleeping schedule. Even though my first day back at work is less than a week away, I find myself feeling awake and energized at 3:30 in the a.m., and dreadfully sleepy at noon. Monday is going to be painful... I feel some major work blunders coming on. I hate mornings.

But I love my rats. And I miss my job.... Monday.

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January 02, 2004

Is it holiday stress?

Or am I just getting older? My brain feels like it's been filled with yeast; it's expanding like crazy and my skull can't contain it. I'm about to break. My body aches... mostly my shoulder. I haven't been sleeping regularly. This is supposed to be my vacation; I think what I really need is a break not from work, but from all civilization. That's what I need.

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