May 31, 2003

The mysterious workings of the Almighty

A couple of days ago I got an ecstatic voicemail from my a friend of mine, known to frequent readers of this blog (or rather, readers of this blog's comments) as Your Old Roomie. It went something like this:

Hey Drina, I just got a job at Cain park as a wardrobe mistress. I'll be working on a show there. Oh my God, I'm so excited. Just had to tell you. Talk to you later. Bye.

This is exactly the news that I've been waiting to hear.

I listened to the voicemail maybe three or four times, savoring the sound of joy in her voice. It was only a few short weeks before that my roomie and I shared a draining conversation in the wee hours of one emotional Saturday morning. She had just come home from her last night working as a wardrobe mistress for our school's theater department, a job she adored, with black streaks of watered-down mascara around her eyes.

After the show that night my roomie walked into our dorm room, sat in my chair, and let out all of her feelings in one long exhausting ramble... her sadness for having to leave the comfortable home and loving family she made at school; her regret for having followed an academic career in teaching which provided her only with uncertainty for the future; her fear for having no job, no health insurance, no security; and her dejection for having to give up her true love of working in theater.

I knew about a lot of this before that night. My roomie had leaked some of her fears and frustration over the course of the semester. She can't hide these things very well, so I had an idea about what was coming. But I sat there, listening to her, looking at her, completely caught off guard by the force of her emotions. I rambled some crappy advice back to her, hoping to hide my own uncertainty... something about moving onto bigger and better things. I don't remember what I said, only that I was full of it.

We rambled back and forth until we were too exhausted to even speak incoherently, and went to bed. That night I lay there thinking about my roomie, and about how only a week or two before then I was the same emotional mess. Scared, sad, freaked. No job. Nothing.

I was freaked, that is, until God pulled a favor.

In the midst of my end-of-college mess, I asked Him for a job. And I got it, without even having to work for it. Someone else fought for me during the hiring process, and won for me the position I now have. Can you believe that? And this one job was such a flawless fit; it gave me everything I wanted, everything I needed... A source of security. A source of income. A way to stay connected to the community that has sustained me over the last couple years.

So that night, after we had both given up on further rambling, I lay in bed and asked the Almighty for another favor, just like the one that cleaned up the mess in my own life. Divine favors are an amazing, mysterious thing. Only the Almighty could use one simple move to solve such a tangled, complicated mess. So I asked for another flawless fit, something that would give my roomie everything that she needed... A job. Some income. Something that she loved. Something that would make her happy.

My roomie got a new job, a temporary theater fix that has replaced her sadness and fear with hope and excitement. Such a small move, such amazing changes. I know who was at work behind this new job that my roomie has. The tone of the voicemail she left me gives it way.

What a difference one little favor can do.

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May 28, 2003

The urges we humans have

I feel the urge to create... to take a blank canvas, maybe illustration board, and create something on it that wasn't there before. A small chunk of the Creator... that's what creativity is, and I feel the urge. I really do.

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May 27, 2003

I'm really feeling this song...

Black Eyed Peas
Where is the Love?

What's wrong with the world, mama
People livin' like they ain't got no mamas
I think the whole world addicted to the drama
Only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma
Overseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin
In the USA, the big CIA
The Bloods and The Crips and the KKK
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah
Badness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how anger works and operates
You gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all

People killing, people dying
Children hurt and you hear them crying
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek
Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questioning
Where is the love?

Where is the love
Where is the love
Where is the love
The love, the love

It just ain't the same, always unchanged
New days are strange, is the world insane
If love and peace is so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don't belong
Nations dropping bombs
Chemical gasses filling lungs of little ones
With the ongoing suffering as the youth die young
So ask yourself is the loving really gone
So I could ask myself really what is going wrong
In this world that we living in people keep on giving in
Making wrong decisions, only visions of them dividends
Not respecting each other, deny thy brother
A war is going on but the reason's undercover
The truth is kept secret, it's swept under the rug
If you never know truth then you never know love
Where's the love, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the truth, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the love, y'all

[C]

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm getting older, y'all, people gets colder
Most of us only care about money making
Selfishness got us following our own direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
Kids act like what they see in the cinema
Whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness in equality
Instead in spreading love we're spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feeling under
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feeling down
There's no wonder why sometimes I'm feeling under
Gotta keep my faith alive to lovers bound

[C]

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May 25, 2003

Missy's big fat Slovenian wedding

This morning I woke up exhausted, my brother woke up hung over, and my childhood friend Missy woke up married. It was an eventful day, May 24th.

The morning started out with Stephanie fighting my rebellious locks, smothering and yanking them into submission. After an hour and a half of curling irons, quadruple mega-hold super spray, and about 38,417 bobby pins, my hair finally looked wedding-worthy. My 'do made me about 30 minutes late to the church, but I'm sure no one remembers that today (I hope).

The ceremony actually started two minutes early, but ended late thanks to the priest's endless rambling about gas station prices (and other things I paid little attention to). The guys looked handsome (yes, even my pubescent partner), the parents looked classy, and Missy looked beautiful. During the exchange of vows I kept looking at her thinking, it feels like we're 9 years old again, playing dress-up in our mom's closets, but this time it's for real.

Marriage. Whoa.

Afterward we took some pics in the church and at Squire's Castle in the Cleveland Metroparks. Dresses ripped, clouds rained, and shoes killed us, but we smiled anyway. We were happy. It was, after all, Missy's big day.

The reception at the Slovenian hall started with a little drama (has any wedding reception ever been without drama?) when the guests outnumbered the seats. Soon enough, though, people were smiling and shaking their booties to pop and polka, probably with the help of the open bar. My friend Lou provided some in-house entertainment by grabbing the moms in close proximity and starting a dance floor frenzy. He can shimmy like no other.

I was among the first to leave since I had Steph's graduation party to hit afterward. My brother (who is a friend of the groom) stayed glued to the bar for a while longer, and my friends all waited until most folks cleared out. We're all beat today from the late-night booze-and-boogie celebration. I could go for a nap right now, but I'm still up thinking about yesterday. Missy is married. Whoa.

Whoa.

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May 21, 2003

And did I forget to mention

...that I absolutely can not stand AOL. I know, I know, I've whined and complained about this before, but it's really irking me now. At school my computer zoomed (at least while the network was up). Now, I stare at my screen for several minutes just trying to GET online, and uploading a website (even a simple one) requires a frustrating five minute wait. AOL is horrible, and I Hate it (yes, Hate with a capital H).

One thing is going well right now, though. My face is no longer covered in solar-powered blush. My sunburn has faded, and has left only a bit of peeling skin behind. Not bad for the first scorching of the year. I can smile now.

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May 18, 2003

Take me out to the ball game

Today I went to the Indians game at Jacob's Field for the first time since... the last time I went. I don't remember when that was, exactly, because it was so long ago, so I've been missing my boys in uniform. Too bad they kinda sucked today. Leading 5-0 into the eigth inning, they blew it and lost 8-5. Yay. But what the heck, my seats were good, the tickets were free, and the guy selling cotton candy was pretty cute. I had a good time, in spite of the fact that I got some nasty sunburn. I already want tickets for another game. Win or no win, baseball is so addicting. Right now I'm going to finish reading the Advent of Elliot (gotta love RealLivePreacher), then I'm going to go soothe my poor burn. Noxema and aloe, here I come.

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May 17, 2003

Look who came home to mama...

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May 16, 2003

Let's talk rats (no, really).

His name is Fat Bastard (Deborah came up with that one), he weighs 450 grams, and is covered in white fur. He's my favorite rat from the laboratory. He never bites or scratches, and when you pick him up he just chills in your hands. He loves pellets, sucrose, anything you put in front of him. He's the coolest rat ever.

And I am seriously determined to bring him home.

In the lab we usually euthanize retired rats... when we're done with our studies we can't use them anymore, and by that time they're well into their adulthood anyway. Their life in the lab is easy compared to being out in the real world, and it's only humane to put them down after they've outlived their purposes.

I have no trouble euthanizing other rats, especially the biters, but I don't want to euthanize Fat Bastard. I'm spending the weekend trying to convince my dad to let me keep him, but it hasn't gone well thus far. Fat Bastard deserves a nice home for being so awesome. Rat heaven can wait. Wish me luck.

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May 14, 2003

I confess, I am an addict.

Clay better win, that's all I have to say.

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May 13, 2003

Work, grades, American Idol, and grace.

I've been training this week to take over the position of Animal Learning Laboratory Director in the psych department at school. All is going well, except for the fact that today I got pooped on seven times. I love these rats. Yesterday we got in a new shipment of little guys. Said one of our lab assistants: Iz eh fresh-ah mice-ah deleevery... That's Deborah for you.

Okay, I just checked my grades online. I got a B- in Research Methods. What?!! I don't even remember the last time I got a B- in anything... probably not since sophomore year of high school or something. I think I'm going to ask the professor to show me the breakdown of my grade. Trusting I am not.

Something I'd like to know: is anyone else glued to the TV every time American Idol comes on? It's just a stupid amateur talent show, but I have to watch it. I just... have to. I don't know why, I just want to see who gets axed next. I finally understand why those crazy French folks liked spending so much quality time standing around a guillotine.

And now from the guillotine to the Divine pardon: the most awesome post I have ever read on a blog. Really.

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May 11, 2003

The uber-long road back home

Only two days away from my beloved computer, and I already miss it. My move back home has taken up all of my time (and my energy). I've been lugging stuff into my room, making massive piles of crap all over the floor. Up until a couple hours ago you couldn't even see my carpet, no kidding.

There are two reasons that I can think of that it has taken me two full days to get my stuff in order:

1. I have so much damn crap that I don't know where to put it all. There's just... so much CRAP. Seriously, I can't believe the amount of crap I've acquired. I bet I own more than the average third-world family of 63. Too much crap.

2. I was given a gift... a graduation gift.

Let me tell you about this gift. Friday aftertoon I finished up working in the lab (I left smelling like rat poop. Yeah). My dad, brother, and cousin had already packed the contents of my dorm room into their trucks by the time I got off of work, so all I had to do was hop in my car and leave. I got home at about 4:00. My dad, who had gotten home before I did, took my hand as soon as I walked into the door and raced into my room. And there, right in front of the door, sat a brand new office desk with a black leather executives chair.

Holy cow.

This was my gift. My dad said to me, I know you don't want to come home and you want to stay with your friends, but we wanted to make the move back here as comfortable for you as possible. I don't know how much money they spent, but it had to be a lot.

My desk is awesome. It has a cabinet for the computer tower, four shelves for books and CDs, and a nice grey top finish. It took some finesse to get everything to fit nicely, but my room is all good now.

Tomorrow at 2:30 I'll be back at school for the commencement ceremony. All of my friends from school will be there, ready to graduate. Some of them I'll see all the time after graduation. Some of them I'll call once in a while. And others I probably won't see unless we run into each other many years from now. I'm a little sad, leaving my friends, leaving my old life...

I've become used to having friends around me all the time. In the morning my friends were singing (badly) in the next shower stall. During the day we had class together, ate lunch in the Lang Banger dining hall, and compained about our professors. At night we ordered pizza and watched cheesy tv shows. I couldn't even pee without having people around. And now I'm back at home finding myself with social withdrawal.

I know I'll get used to, and even learn to love, my new life. It will probably take a little while, But I know I'll get there. Says Thomas Wolfe: To lose the earth you know, for greater knowing; to lose the life you have, for greater life; to lose the friends you loved, for greater loving; to find a land more kind than home, more large than the earth.

That's my mission. And it starts tomorrow at 2:30.

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May 07, 2003

My last final is FINAL!

I AM DONE! I AM DONE! I AM SO FREAKIN DONE! No more finals, no more quizes, no more research papers and presentations (at least until grad school)... but I'm finished! I just took my astronomy final (which was pretty horrible, I should say) but I don't care, because it's over! My spirits are soaring right now, and I think I'll be up here for a while. Peace out, until tomorrow :)

Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

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May 05, 2003

Finals, moving out, and the zoo

The last Monday! Woohoo!

I'm moving back home. Boo.

Going to the Zoo! Woohoo!

Methods Presentation. Boo.

Dave & Buster's on Thursday! Woohoo!

Astronomy Final. Boo.

New job! Woohoo!

New job. Boo.

And of course, graduation. Woohoo?

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May 04, 2003

Worldly worries and their antidote.

Last night I went to see my school's production of Equus. Provocative... that's the only word I could use to describe it. Sarah and I caught the midnight show, so I got back to my room well after 2 am.

I had planned on hitting the sack right after coming home from the play, but at 3 am I still just wasn't tired. I listened to music, surfed the web (like I don't do that enough) and waited for my roomie (who worked on wardrobe for the play) to roll in. She got back in at 3:30, or something like that.

With only finals week left in our college careers, we've both been kinda anxious... Okay, more than kinda. I know I was freaking out quite a bit, especially before I landed my new job. Will I find a place to work? Will I have money? Stay in touch with friends? Feel disconected? Wish I hadn't graduated?

Will I be totally unsuccessful as an independent adult?

We talked about this for a good hour and a half, only not focusing on my worries, but on hers. A lot of seniors are totally scared, and it's turning us into these anxious, emotional, neurotic freaks. I hate this feeling. My roomie hates this feeling. Everyone hates this feeling.

At about 5 am we decided to call it a night. I was sitting in bed for a half hour afterward pondering the future. And I came to the conclusin that although our hearts may be beating a mile a minute, there's a anti-worry drug available for anyone who wants it:

I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

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May 03, 2003

Representing the Motherland

Anyone watch this last episode of ER on Thursday? How cool was it that Luka had some Croatian dialogue going on? I loved not having to read the subtitles (though I did anyway, and noticed a couple of oddities in translation). And the little boy's name was Ante... that's my older brother's name. I know, I'm a nerd. It's cool.

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May 02, 2003

Yep yep, the Friday Five

1. Name one song you hate to admit you like.
You spin me right round, baby, right round like a record, baby right round round round... Yeah that one freaky techno 80's song by Dead Or Alive. I like it. Pity me.

2. Name two songs that always make you cry.
This Is Your Time by Michael W. Smith, only when I'm feeling particularly emotional. I can't name another one, I usually don't listen to sappy music that makes me cry.

3. Name three songs that turn you on.
Turn me on meaning what, exactly? Do I want to know? Hmm, I'll play along. Justify My Love by Madonna is one pretty darn libidinous song. That's all I can think of...

4. Name four songs that always make you feel good.
Fire Up The Shoesaw by Lionrock
Today by Smashing Pumpkins
Dammit by Blink 182
Back To Me by Bebo Norman.

5. Name five songs you couldn't ever do without.
One by U2
Babylon By David Grey
Under Lock and Key by MxPx
Yesterday by the Beatles
Kathy's Song by Simon & Garfunkel

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May 01, 2003

And the winner is...

The Animal learning lab needs a director.

I applied for the year-long position.

There were 20 other applicants.

My resume was pathetically weak.

I have the feeling the prof doesn't like me.

My work experience is limited.

I was blamed for screwing something up before.

A pre-med graduate also applied.

I started worrying and freaking out.

And I got the job. Woo.

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